Jan 21 2010

Sex Makes Headlines.

“There are a lot of sexless marriages in this town,” a friend confided to me over breakfast earlier this month at the Blue Moon Bakery in Tulsa.

Didn’t know that. Been a pretty private person up until now. Does that mean “loveless marriages?” I don’t think so, do you?

I think it means couples have become distracted and lazy and romance has suffered. I suspect many a mid-life crisis might have been avoided if we practiced what a friend from Little Rock observed tonight: “Everything changed the day I figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in my life.”

Remember the standard time management illustration involving rocks, pebbles, sand and then water? There’s time when we know our priorities. But we get distracted and when distracted we lose things…keys, sunglasses, gloves, love.

In the New York Times Bestseller, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman identifies the love languages as:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality of Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Three struck me as vital. Three sounded familiar. A friend loaned me the book last night. With limited time over morning coffee today I went straight to page 115: Physical Touch.

Sex gets headlines. A Dartmouth College study found women retrospectively rated sex as the activity that produced the single largest amount of happiness. The study also found sex has a stronger effect on happiness in highly educated people and in people who had only one sexual partner the previous year. Where do they come up with this stuff? I put more stock in a poll by WomenOntheWeb.com that found 47% of women considered sexual fulfillment “not the most important factor but up there on the list.” Up there indeed.

Chapman appears to get it…at least my version of the language of physical touch. What is important is the nuances, the hand held while crossing the street, the arm linked around a waist while mingling at a cocktail party, the foot that brushes yours under the restaurant table, the neck nuzzled while standing at the kitchen sink, the look across a crowded room that says (and speaks volumes), “Lots of people here but I see you.” That electricity is what I unexpectedly found this past summer for the second time in my life. What an eye opener and the beginning of learning more about myself at age 50 when I really envisioned pursuing a simple solo life with my two Whippets. His name is Jake.

As always, Trix