Insatiable

Insatiable.  What better wine to pair with “Naked Pasta?’  I quickly sent a text and photo to both “chef” and “date” – two friends in Tulsa rustling up veggies, salmon and pasta.   Caught in iPhone photo-taking mode by the Safeway wine sommelier, I tossed a bottle in my cart and pushed on.  The Chardonnay is currently “cellared” in my flat waiting for the right moment – kind of like me 25 years ago.  I was a 26-year old virgin waiting for “the one.” Once uncorked I had the abandon of a genie released from a bottle.    I was exclusive but insatiable!

Released a second time on the dating scene, a quarter of a century later, I wondered what to expect and how I’d react. How had time and experience possibly changed me? I knew enough to know I had set sail wanting it all but how would I steer my ship on the journey. Would I drift, would I seek safe harbors, would my itinerary include varied ports of call?

Questions expanded to include: What did men and women,  after years of marriage, think and expect? Were there still double standards for the genders?  Did mature adults “hook up” like today’s teens?  Was there license or a pattern of using someone  “casually” to buffer the ache of the initial bottomless hurt of a ended, long-term relationship? Could well-adjusted adults enjoy unexpected couplings without fear of such casual sex branding them with “a fear of intimacy?” Had sexless* or loveless marriages created pent up desire?  Were men and women “wired” differently? In my age group, was there an expectation of “serial monogamy ” or attitude of free-for-all exploration? Was a new biological clock ticking?

Nudes & Whimsy thru July 29th at Pearl Gallery Tulsa.

What criteria did a tender-hearted, romantic woman who the first time around waited for “the one,” use now to navigate dating at 51?

As I pondered, I listened to peers further along in the journey.  They had much to say. One discovery surprised me.  I guess some things never change; intelligent people are having unprotected sex.  To quote one of my favorite Arkansas sages, “I tell my kids when you are with someone, you are with everyone that person has ever been with.”  I raised a son who knows better than to take such risks.  On this front the brain should be captaining the ship through relationships.

As for the rest, there are as many “right” answers as individuals.  I personally still lean toward mind, heart and body working in harmony and not conflict.  I still want it all.  I thought I had it a second time as I found myself in a head-first free fall a year ago.  Turned out there was no water in the pool and even my optimism smarted from the impact but I learned I could fall again – much more than I imagined possible before the experience.  A year later I am further away from “married”, no longer madly in love and starting to date. A few experiences tell me I haven’t changed and I don’t want to rush or be rushed.  This time is an opportunity.  As I muddle through I know I will make some great male friends I’ll grow to love and if I’m lucky, when I least expect it, I’ll fall a third time.  Hopefully it will be the charm because if I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned I am programmed to desire and thrive with someone very special in my life. I may never marry again but in the days ahead my life won’t be just about work and staying home alone unless, like last night, a night in with a Papa Murphy’s pizza, wine and a tear-jerker episode of “Glee” fits the bill most perfectly for recharging my spirit so when I do answer those match.com emails I give each my best.

Just in:  Lots of fascinating fact and thought-provoking theory in this New Yorker article.  http://nymag.com/relationships/sex/47055/ I just found linked to a Times article a reader sent me. *Quantified in article!

Also – visit The Pearl Gallery! 1201 East 3rd St. Tulsa, OK 74120 918.588.1500
Hours: Tues.- Fri. 11-5 www.pearlgallerytulsa.com

As always, Tracey


8 Responses to “Insatiable”

  • Elie Says:

    LEAST/LAST

    While all around me the marraiges gave -
    their ghosts hovering tearstruck and angered,
    shoulders hunched or wracked – I was the slave
    of Never Enough, thought of him dangled
    like bait to keep me returning
    to the source, dreaming all the while.
    In the moments when fulfillment outraced yearning,
    and I was drunk at the bank of him, my secret Nile,
    how could I conclude? How could I extract
    my body from this wrapping, how pass
    finally from the room; how could I have said what was fact
    or fiction, let some other grass
    be lusher, greener, more watered, more fed?
    He’s what I knew. Where I was led.

  • Elie Says:

    SHE CAN’T SWIM OFF

    She can’t swim off. She cannot drive, she
    cannot ride away. She can’t defend herself
    or run along. She is not safe, or free;
    protected not by night or stealth
    of street. She does not numb or medicate.
    She needs to take things as they fall.
    This is difficult. She stays up late.
    to convince herself: It’s better after all.
    She does not believe a word of it.
    Something terrible will happen to him.
    She must be there to help. He does not want
    her, but something draws her in and in.
    Is it just his silken skin, the taste and thin
    and tall of him. A voice that’s like a hymn or chant:
    You must swim off. She can’t.

  • Elie Says:

    COOKING IN THE NUDE – Quickies
    - a cookbook by Debbie and Stephen Cornwell, 1995

    Your Naked Pasta reminded me of this Valentine I presented to my husband on 2/14/96; 39 days after we married. If the Table of Contents wasn’t clear enough, the pages that followed set out all you needed to know…or follow, to “Just add enough romance and lust to suit your tastes, and enjoy your Epicurean conquest!”

    Quickies, the Introduction exclaimed, was meant for “busy but romantic people who love to act out their culinary fantasies.” Not to be confused with the chocolate body frosting in a can form of gastronomy, Quickies enabled you to create a gourmet-quality dinner in less than an hour…”How you spend the time you’ve saved is up to you!”

    Ready For Action (The Presentation) suggested that the most pleasurable quickies “are often prompted by chance and impulse!…Whatever your motives, you still need a seductive table setting, the perfect wine, and the right music to bring out the bon vivant in your guest!”

    But how to manage all that when suddenly overcome by the desire to stir things ups with your spouse? With a “Quickie Kit” of course; personalized for sudden seductions and stored in a special drawer for such occasions. From place settings, to glasses, to candles and holders, vases and CD’s…and provocative after-dinner pleasures to embellish “your kit” from backgammon to bubble bath…you would be ready for action and able to indulge with confidence!

    Fooling Around (Creating the Mood) offered useful tips on how to dim the lights, dress just so, pre-select music and chill wine without any last-minute rushing…time to “tease and please” was the name of this game.

    A Lick and a Promise (The Well-Stocked Pantry) set out everything you needed to have to experiment fully with all of the recipes.

    Teasing and Pleasing (Appetizers) offered such tasy morsels as: Bits of Pleasure, Fantasy Spread and my personal favorite; the Hot Artichoke Bottoms ;-)

    Love ‘em and Leaf ‘em (Salads) would not be complete without Caesar and Please Her…and

    Dressed for Success (Dessings) with Voulez-vous Vinaigrette

    Fast Au Fares (Entrees) made it difficult to choose between: Halibut My Place? Promiscuous Prawns, Menage a Trois of See-food (with the note: be a little shellfish and get all that you can!), Chicken Porno Bleu, Skinny Dippin’ Shrimp (clothes optional), Tempting Tender Loins, Fetish-ini, Fondue Me,Please! Veni, Vidi, Vici (I came, I saw, I conquered…not necessarily in that order) or Vealing Lusty? (or Vealing loving…just be sure to reveal your true vealings.

    Making Time (Vegetables) gave you something delicious to nibble “on the side.”

    …..and Desserts? No chapter! No recipes!

    I’m sure there are good and plausible reasons for this course to be “left unattended”…but I still wonder if it’s best to keep a can of that chocolate body frosting in the Quickie Kit – just in case the loser at backgammon needs a consolation prize!

    Lust at first bite,
    as well as first sight,
    might make for a lingering,
    sensual night!

    Bottoms Up and Bon Appetit!

  • Bud Says:

    Interesting ruminations, had some of the same thoughts myself. The New Yorker article was an interesting exploration of the topic but what it boils down to for me is that each individual’s beliefs correspond and that open communication is always maintained. If everyone is on the same page whether you have one or more partners, what difference does it make? Possibly intimacy, but doesn’t that beg the question of whether or not someone can be intimate with more than one person?

    On a lighter note, the nude and whimsical exhibit at the Pearl Gallery is outstanding – not to be missed! Runs through the 29th.

  • Trix Says:

    Bud: So pleased to hear you made it by the Pearl Gallery in Tulsa Saturday. An email from owners Janet and Doug, as well as yours, suggest it was a lively, fun visit for all! I plan to post the you sent along when I post Steve’s Naked Pasta recipe so every one has the “skinny” on off-the-blog-wall sharing.
    I think you nailed it – communication is key – in matters of the heart, intimacy and life in general. One thing I’ve definitely from reading emails from readers is that men like you, as well as women going through transitions, are being very reflective – alternately pensive and hopeful. Perhaps some of the examination comes a bit too late but what it lacks in timeliness is often made up in intensity. As I write that I pause to wonder; are we too goal directed? Should we seek a string of “moments” that make life wonderful, instead of trying to button everything down and expecting it to stay resolved and perfect for more than a moment? I think someone can be intimate with more than one person at a time because I think perhaps the greatest intimacy is not of the flesh, of which most speak. Are we not sometimes more exposed with a friend than with a lover – assuming they are not one and the same?

  • Marcie Copas Says:

    Thank you for posting this, I have a lot to learn about you blog and what it means.

  • Trix Says:

    Marcie: I hope along the way there are things that resonate with you. I am just putting my thoughts and observations into words as I explore. Thanks for joining in!

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