Sex Makes Headlines.

“There are a lot of sexless marriages in this town,” a friend confided to me over breakfast earlier this month at the Blue Moon Bakery in Tulsa.

Didn’t know that. Been a pretty private person up until now. Does that mean “loveless marriages?” I don’t think so, do you?

I think it means couples have become distracted and lazy and romance has suffered. I suspect many a mid-life crisis might have been avoided if we practiced what a friend from Little Rock observed tonight: “Everything changed the day I figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in my life.”

Remember the standard time management illustration involving rocks, pebbles, sand and then water? There’s time when we know our priorities. But we get distracted and when distracted we lose things…keys, sunglasses, gloves, love.

In the New York Times Bestseller, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman identifies the love languages as:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality of Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Three struck me as vital. Three sounded familiar. A friend loaned me the book last night. With limited time over morning coffee today I went straight to page 115: Physical Touch.

Sex gets headlines. A Dartmouth College study found women retrospectively rated sex as the activity that produced the single largest amount of happiness. The study also found sex has a stronger effect on happiness in highly educated people and in people who had only one sexual partner the previous year. Where do they come up with this stuff? I put more stock in a poll by WomenOntheWeb.com that found 47% of women considered sexual fulfillment “not the most important factor but up there on the list.” Up there indeed.

Chapman appears to get it…at least my version of the language of physical touch. What is important is the nuances, the hand held while crossing the street, the arm linked around a waist while mingling at a cocktail party, the foot that brushes yours under the restaurant table, the neck nuzzled while standing at the kitchen sink, the look across a crowded room that says (and speaks volumes), “Lots of people here but I see you.” That electricity is what I unexpectedly found this past summer for the second time in my life. What an eye opener and the beginning of learning more about myself at age 50 when I really envisioned pursuing a simple solo life with my two Whippets. His name is Jake.

As always, Trix


5 Responses to “Sex Makes Headlines.”

  • Diana Says:

    I am anxious to hear who Jake is???
    I think your blogs are great! I am looking forward to reading the rest.

  • Trix Says:

    I cannot tell you how I’ve missed our 17 years of weekly talks. So glad you are following this tale… xo

  • Angela Says:

    Jake’s a moniker right? No Jake in FB Friends. Yes, I’m soo curious, but take your time…in reverse, you are hard for me to keep up with! LOL, truthfully, I’m so wanting to know your whole life story, written beautifully in your own words. Great pictures, links to books, video’s…Watching Martha was disturbing…sorry, if she is a friend of yours. Your blog is facinating. Here’s to you!

  • Alan Says:

    Sexless marriages are probably more common than what one thinks, and as sad as this seams it is also probably a fact!

    When a relationship is young the fun, the joy, the passion and excitment is all part of the relationship, but after 25 years the best is almost what is called HALL Sex where you pass your partner and say SCREW YOU.

    But it really is a very poorly waltz where one is in it for the pure pleasure, and the other is for warmth, the touch and emotion.

    For men it is a reward, it is a release of stress and it is an instinct which needs to be fullfilled. For women it is way far from any of this as it is mental, it is time out of the day, it is really 11:00 oclock, I could be doing something way more productive than doing this!

    So I don’t know the awnser, as we get older, as we ,find ourselves alone, as we are in a room full of the one’s we supposedly love?

    Just found your blog, it is good

    adp

  • Joseph Blanchette Says:

    Hi Tracey,

    One would think that there would be no reason for you to be Sad, however what very little I know of women, this does not surprise me (smile).

    Women chase after the illusion of unconditional complete and all encompassing passionate love, regardless of their own limitations, faults and of their own inability to love, with full of approval, ego reinforcement and sexual interest that lasts until forever.

    A woman, in general, wants to be loved, so that she can feel love for herself.

    Only The Divine loves in such a pattern, …the rest of us mortals Males, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail.

    Real love exists only for itself, regardless of whether the other loves us in return, this is why Mother-Child relationships in Sanskrit were always consdiered prior to the love of a Woman-Man, because the child demands, demands and demands and is unable to give anything in return.

    Ordinary love between adults is full of mutual exchanges that must exist before one is able to love the other, when one of thos underpinnings falls away, the ability to love falls aways as well.

    Joseph

    ****************************

    Hi Tracey,

    Yes a good blog or posting site needs a Sh*t Disturber to rake up the opinions, otherwise it dies of its own agree-a-bility.

    Yes I assume alot, but my assumptions are not based in idle conjecture, it has been my experience that by and large individuals inspect themselves very little, and when they do, they tend to be myopic about what they see, and don’t see.

    At heart we have an inner child, as tired as this physcho babble cliche is, however what they do not tell you is that this innner child is self-referential, shallow, unloved, demanding, insecure, and afraid, afraid and afraid.

    Women in general tend to seek our their personal happiness within relationships, regardless of how successful their outward lives are, whereas men in general tend to seek out their personal happiness in the exterior world, and within the approval of other men, a relationship for many men merely another signification of their worldly success, and not looked upon as a source of happiness in and of itself.

    It is amazing that any relationship works out as well as they do.

    Joseph

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