Separation

1.13.2010

I think it possible every person in a relationship has at some time thought, “What if?”

All our friends’ marriages are on the rocks, are we “special” or next?
No one knows me better but do we still relate?
Would being alone be better?
In the hope of finding love again, do I risk being alone at my age?
Can I make it alone?
Am I expecting too much, when look at what I’ve got?

Some of us part ways. Others stay married.
But do we ever stop asking, “What if?”

I am sitting in the Denver Airport waiting for a Southwest flight. I am going home to “my” apartment in Portland. For the first time Joel won’t be there to greet me, to hug me after our two wildly enthusiastic Whippets, Leo and Bliss, predictably respond to my return with a wild dance involving eight slender limbs propelling them in all directions simultaneously. Leo will bark and nibble on Bliss ears, determined to get all the attention for himself. But tonight, in five hours, my best friend won’t be standing behind the Whippets grinning at the spectacle as he has every month I’ve returned to Portland from business trips to Tulsa.

Tonight, without an official document, circumstances and situations within and beyond my control have brought me to tonight when I become an unmarried woman.

Have you pondered separation? If you’ve done it, what was your experience?

I wonder, do separations result more often in reconciliations or endings?

As always, Trix


One Response to “Separation”

  • E Says:

    As you begin your new journey of journeys, I send you on your way with luck and love and the two entwined:

    Go, little book
    out of this house and into the world,

    carriage made of paper rolling toward town
    bearing a single passenger
    beyond the reach of this jittery pen,
    far from the desk and the nosy goosneck lamp.

    It is time to decamp,
    put on a jacket and venture outside,
    time to be regarded by other eyes,
    bound to be held in foreign hands.

    So off you go, infants of the brain,
    with a wave and some bits of fatherly advice:

    stay out as late as you like,
    don’t bother to call or write,
    and talk to as many strangers as you can.

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